


Just Guys Being Dudes

by voidify



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: (for both valvert and cosette/marius), Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Humour, Gen, I'm Bad At Titles, M/M, Marius is an oblivious booby, Marius’ non-existent gaydar, Modern AU, Obliviousness, Post-Seine, like they’re referred to in the past tense but there’s no unambiguous angst, reader decides whether it’s an amis live au, valvert are getting married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-26 20:57:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17148971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voidify/pseuds/voidify
Summary: When Marius receives an invitation, he comes to realisations about the true natures of certain relationships— first between his father-in-law and Javert, and then, following a conversation with Cosette, between certain pairs of his friends.





	Just Guys Being Dudes

**Author's Note:**

> Just a silly little oneshot, inspired by ideas that several of my friends in Sewerchat collectively brought into this world

Marius turned the invitation over in his hands. “Your father and Javert are _getting married?!_ ”

“…Yes. That’s what it says. Next month, on Sunday the 19th. You don’t have a court date to attend then, or something, do you?”

Marius blinked rapidly. “I just… since when were they even dating?”

Cosette tried to stop herself from laughing, and failed. She knew her husband had never been the brightest, but—really? “How could you _possibly_ miss—Marius, they’ve been together for _five years._ ”

Marius’ expression could be best described as resembling an inquisitive small child during a particularly flawless magic show, or maybe a robot that had just been told ‘this statement is false’. “Well, how was I supposed to know? You never told me; I just thought they were _really_ good friends! All the evidence could point just as much to that as to a relationship!”

Now Cosette was _really_ curious. How much had Marius actually _missed_ , and how much had he just… _misinterpreted_? It _had_ seemed a bit uncharacteristic of him to have entirely missed the evidence, given he was a moderately successful lawyer, so if he was indeed just oblivious to the _meaning_ of the evidence— she _had_ to know where he got the idea that friends did the kind of things her father did with Javert.

“I… thought it was too obvious to tell you. I mean, they haven’t exactly kept it a secret. We’ve been to their house—like, not only do they live together, but you have seen with your own eyes that they share a bedroom, with _one bed_.”

“So? I shared a bed with Courfeyrac when we were roommates; didn’t mean we were dating!”

Cosette tried another point. “Have you _seen_ the way they look at each other?”

“It’s no more…” Marius gestured vaguely instead of completing the phrase, as if uncomfortable to use any specific label for the relationship, “than how Grantaire always looked at Enjolras at like, _every_ Amis meeting, so how was I supposed to know _this_ was the _romantic_ type of looking-at-each-other-like-that?”

Cosette’s eyes narrowed a little, but she continued. “Papa and Javert hold hands under the table every time they eat at our place— actually, sometimes they even walk side by side with their hands on each other’s butts! Which is a super embarrassing thing to see your 60-something dad and his boyfriend do, but, like, still!”

“Combeferre and Courfeyrac did that all the time at meetings,” he did not specify which of the actions he meant; it seemed like he meant both, “and Joly and Bossuet a few times too— sometimes even when their girlfriend Musichetta was there!”

Cosette was starting to draw conclusions entirely other than ‘friends can platonically do the things Papa does with Javert’ from the information Marius was giving about the ABC members’ behaviour with each other, and she was extremely curious about the context of… just about _everything_ Marius had just said, but she did not derail the conversation to express that, because she had just thought of a really good point on the original vein.

“Honey. _You saw them kiss._ On the couch that time, Christmas at your grandfather’s? And it wasn’t just under the mistletoe or something; that kiss had to have lasted a solid minute at _least_.”

“Well, I’ve seen the exact same thing between friends, at… three separate meetings!” He began counting on his fingers. “The first one was between—”

Marius stopped. The gears in his brain seemed to turn; for at least ten seconds, he sat there, open-mouthed and blinking, as he came to a long-belated realisation.

“…Oh. Were my friends just… all super gay for each other?”

Well, he got it now. “…I’d say probably, based on everything you just said. So, are you free on the 19th to go to Papa’s wedding? You never did answer that.”


End file.
